Let’s talk about something that’s been bugging me lately: the way we’ve twisted the meaning of empathy in the workplace. Somewhere along the line, “empathy” became synonymous with “being nice.” Don’t get me wrong—kindness matters.
But when did we decide that being “nice” means avoiding tough conversations, letting things slide, or coddling our teams?
We’ve got to stop equating empathy with being a pushover. Empathy isn’t about sugarcoating reality—it’s about connecting with people on a deeper level and helping them grow. And sometimes, that means having the kind of conversations that make you (and them) squirm a little.
The Empathy Trap: When “Nice” Gets in the Way of Growth
I’ve seen it happen too often—leaders tiptoe around issues, afraid that being direct will hurt someone’s feelings. So, instead of addressing the real issues, they offer vague feedback or avoid the topic altogether. The result? Teams stagnate, mistakes get repeated, and no one really grows.
Let’s be clear: empathy isn’t about sparing someone’s feelings at the expense of their development.
It’s about understanding where they’re coming from, and then challenging them to rise to the occasion.
Real Talk: Empathy Means Pushing for Growth
Imagine you’re a coach (which, in a way, you are as a leader). You wouldn’t let your star player skip practice just because they’re having a bad day, right? You’d listen, acknowledge their feelings, and then remind them that greatness doesn’t come from sitting on the sidelines. Empathy in leadership works the same way.
True empathy involves recognizing the potential in your team and pushing them to meet it, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about saying, “I believe in you, and I know you can do better,” rather than just saying, “It’s okay, you did your best.”
Tough Love: The Backbone of Real Leadership
Here’s the deal: Empathy isn’t just a soft skill—it’s the backbone of tough love and real leadership. It’s about balancing support with accountability. It’s about showing your team that you care enough to be honest with them, even when the truth is hard to hear.
As leaders, we’re not doing anyone any favors by being “nice” at the expense of being real. Our job is to guide, to challenge, and yes, to push our teams to be their best. And sometimes, that means being willing to have those tough, awkward, and maybe even uncomfortable conversations.
Let’s Get Real
So, the next time you find yourself holding back because you don’t want to come across as too harsh, remember this: Real empathy isn’t about coddling your team. It’s about being real with them, understanding their struggles, and guiding them through the hard stuff to come out stronger on the other side.
Let’s ditch the idea that empathy is all about being nice and start embracing it as the powerful, sometimes tough, tool that it really is. Because at the end of the day, great leadership isn’t just about making people feel good—it’s about helping them be their best.
